Welcome to the first post in The Weekly.
I have been pretty written off the last few weeks. In fact, I’ve mostly been stuck indoors and at times bed-bound due to several IBS flare-ups, one after another, that have brought a holt to the majority of my life including my recovery.
Nothing to fear though, I have managed to stay as mentally well as I believe I can, which is saying a lot because not long ago I would have spiralled into a deep pit of depression, had a huge increase in anxiety followed by panic attacks and all the rest of it! That’s not to say my anxiety hasn’t increased because it definitely has. I have become slightly more attached to my anxiety again which then puts me in touching distance of having panic attacks.
Fortunately, I have kept everything more or less at a place I am content with by keeping focused on what I need to. That includes giving myself the time to recover and not beating myself up about this small set back. As this has only been going on a short time it is easy to stay motivated as I can remember how good I was feeling not long ago but at the same time the longer it does go on the doubt, worry and negatively does creep back in and I can slowly feel yourself being pulled back towards that deep dark pit I fought so desperately to get out of.
On a more positive note what this time has given me is time to reflect on my purpose in life and how I want to go about achieving that purpose. Also how with the difficulties I face in life, I am able to achieve it. My purpose I believe and have had confirmed over and over again is to help others. Deep down I have always known this but been unable to put it into fruition. I guess my mental health and at times just life circumstances have prevented me from moving closer towards my purpose in life. Through understanding myself better and being realistic about my own limitations because of my mental and physical health I now think I have a better grasp at how I can help others and add value to their lives. I will always have aspirations to remove those limitations to not only live a better life for myself but to help others in a broader variety of ways.
In a weird kind of way, I look at the difficulties I face with my Mental Health as a blessing in disguise. Ever since I first became aware of my anxiety disorder I have spoken openly about it as well as everything else that has arisen since. People have always called me brave whereas I never saw it as bravery rather something completely normal and something that should be considered a norm in society. I know from my upbringing the consequences of not being able to talk about how you feel, the implications it can have later on in life as well as being uneducated in the area of mental health. As I embarked on this journey of trying to get better and live a more meaningful and fulfilling life I realised this was what I was meant to be doing and how I was going to help others and achieve my life purpose. I knew from that point on I was going to continue to share my story as well as educate and help others going through something similar.
Blogging has always been the way in which I have felt most comfortable sharing my story and helping others, the problem is I have had many different blogs since 2014. I have been fortunate enough to make some money, create some amazing posts, receive some awesome feedback but unfortunately, I have lacked consistency, sticking to a niche and fundamentally a proper understanding of blogging. This, of course, has also been overshadowed by my crazy inconsistent mental health limiting my ability to not only not work and hold down a job but for long periods of time do nothing anything at all. That all happens to be in the past and the positive now is I am in a much better place.
For the longest time, I never thought the position I find myself in now was possible but through lots of hard work and an amazing therapist I am where I am now and continuing to get better and better each day minus blips and the odd set back like what I am experiencing at this current moment in time. Just because I am out of the worst doesn’t mean the hard work stops. My mental health and mental illnesses are something I will have to manage and monitor for probably the rest of my life.
The Weekly will be published every Sunday at 7 pm. Make sure to sign up to my mailing list to never miss a post.