The Depression Has Been Resentful This Week
Going through how bad things are right now, makes me realise how well I was actually doing. Last Monday I thought it was one of them days I have every now and again. I didn't expect to feel this way all last week including today.
It is exhausting to feel this way for 8 days straight, hoping this week will be easier.
I can only hope.
A few things happened last week even though I didn't do much at all. There is some good news, though!
The story of seeing a Psychiatrist
Some of you may know, others may not, but I was referred to see a psychiatrist at the very beginning of this year. I can't remember the exact date but it was definitely the first few days of January.
Now it took a couple of weeks to receive a letter which basically stated that they had received my referral and now I had to ring and confirm I wanted an appointment.
Is it just me or is that an irrelevant step? Anyway, I didn't actually get the letter when they sent it. (I did but I was in really low place and must have shoved it in a drawer without reading it, my bad). So on another visit back to the doctors, they asked if I had got the letter. To which my response was "what letter?". Luckily, whilst I was there they printed a copy off for me. I sat in my car outside the doctor's surgery and rang to confirm my appointment.
After having the phone put down on me the first time, I finally spoke to someone who told me I would be put on a six to ten week waiting list. Just what I wanted, more waiting! At this point, it was late January and all I could do was wait. Every time I went back to the doctors, they would say now I've been referred to see a psychiatrist it's best to wait and see what they say.
Ten weeks is a long time to wait. Especially having these depressive episodes so common and my mood constantly being up and down. So on Monday, this is about 8 weeks on, I rang up again to check what was going on. They had no idea and took my name and said they would call me back.
I missed the call but was left an answerphone message saying I would be receiving a letter in the next two weeks. Possibly the least helpful answerphone message I have ever received. What is the letter going to say? Is it an appointment? I'll just play the guessing game.
Don't get me wrong the NHS is great, I appreciate the free healthcare BUT they are seriously lacking in areas.
As I mentioned this week has really not been great and I have had to say no to doing lots of things, also not been able to do things I had agreed to and missed some opportunities.
Because of some of that, I got a call from my auntie who had been looking into going private for a psychiatrist for me due to all the waiting and how much the depression especially, is affecting my life.
She rang one on my behalf and they said they would be happy to see me as long as I got a referral from a doctor.
On Friday I took a trip back to the doctors AGAIN. I came out of the appointment with a referral being faxed over which meant I could then ring the psychiatrist and book an appointment with them.
The good news is, all being well if the referral is there by Tuesday I have an appointment on the 11th April.
After so long waiting it felt so good to know I have a date. Big thank you to my Auntie and Uncle. I feel very lucky to have the support I have around me, not just my Auntie and Uncle but everyone who has been there for me in some way shape or form. I am incredibly grateful even if I don't show it all the time.
The Job Centre
The last thing I wanted to do was go anywhere this week but I received a letter saying I had to attend an interview at the Job Centre.
I'm not going to lie, the interview was pointless. It was all about helping me get work.
I have no problem getting work, as big headed as that sounds. I have always worked, have plenty of experience and I am highly motivated to be successful.
The problem is my health which is affecting my life in such a way that I am unable to work. Hense being signed off for various amount of times over the last few years and more recently for the last four months.
They kind of understood and I had to fill out all these forms with my qualifications and work experience etc. I was then basically told I don't really have to do anything it is just in place for the future when I am well enough. I may have to attend a few things but they will keep in touch.
It is a great thing in place for helping people get back to work and very useful. My main priority is getting better. I have opportunities available for work I just need to be well enough.
Other than that I can't really remember much more. I have felt so spaced out all week everything sort of blurs together and I become very forgetful.
There has been some progress. I would be much more excited if I wasn't still feeling this low. But hopefully, with this appointment, I can get a diagnosis and see what other help is available to me.
I'm at a point where nothing I do seems to help again. It's basically a waiting game till I level out. It has been awhile since I've been this low.
Just taking one day at a time.