Whats New? Whats Been Going On?
What's up? What's going on? How's everyone doing?
It feels like forever since I last checked in here and wrote anything. I'm pretty sure the weather was warm and sunny last time and now it is freezing and dark all the time. It doesn't help I'm not a fan of the cold also.
Either way, I haven't really had a lot to say honestly. It's only over the last week the words and ideas have slowly started to flow in my mind again and even then I have lacked any motivation to do something about them.
Here I am now though, finally putting fingers on keys and doing something about it.
Let me catch you back up to speed;
I came off of the Venlafaxine I was taking back in August after consulting my psychiatrist and deciding it wasn't suitable for me and it may be best to take a period of time off of any medication. Initially, things weren't too bad, my anxiety definitely increased but the problems I was having with my moods seemed to subside. I started working again just a few hours a week for the first time in ten months, it was difficult, to say the least as my anxiety was increasing more and more and with that, the low moods followed to the point I found myself struggling to leave my bed some days.
As time went on my anxiety worsened to the point leaving the house was an extremely anxious and panic filled experience, simple everyday tasks became increasingly difficult to complete and before I knew it I found myself in a very similar situation to a couple of years ago and it had seemingly come out of nowhere. I honestly don't think anything could have stopped it from getting to that point.
So here I was stuck inside the four walls of my bedroom and even then the anxiety still consumed me and the panic attacks were more common than not.
Something had to change, clearly whatever I was doing wasn't helping and I couldn't live like this.
As I said, I was in a very similar situation to a couple of years ago and at that time the use of the antidepressant 'Sertraline', therapy and my determination to get better pulled me through and with a quick visit to the GP and a few emails to local Hypnotherapists I had a new prescription of Sertraline and a consultation with a Hypnotherapist.
The first week on the tablets wasn't too bad, the side effects were quite mild initially in comparison to the last few times. The second, third and fourth week were much different, my mood took a massive hit and I could not for the life of me pull myself out of feeling so low, my anxiety got even worse which I didn't think was possible and life basically came to a standstill.
It's safe to say I've been struggling a lot recently. At times I didn't see a way through. Everything was bleak and there was a constant cloud of negativity over me but I tried to keep it together and to be honest I think I did a pretty good job.
Unfortunately with work I had to keep ringing in sick and getting cover which resulted in me and the general manager making a mutual decision to take me off the rota for the time being so I didn't have to keep letting them down and to top things off my benefits were stopped a week later as a result of a medical assessment where they deemed me fit enough work. I'm now in the process of appealing their decision which is a pain as I want to focus on getting better to be able to return to work and not having to spend my energy on the appeal process, all whilst having no income and having to spend money getting medical evidence etc!
On a slightly more positive note, my consultation for Hypnotherapy went well and I'm now two sessions in with my new hypnotherapist. I will be making a whole blog post about that soon.
Sticking with the positivity, things are finally on the up. Over the last week or so my anxiety has definitely started to decrease, my mood is lifting and I'm starting to feel up more and more, my motivation is returning, positive thoughts are replacing negative ones and yeah, I finally feel like I'm getting better.
I've said it before but its a journey and long one at that. I'm not going to wake up tomorrow and feel 100% better but day by day I'm improving and I will get there. I'm focusing on going forward and leaving what has happened in the past. The past can't be changed so there is no point focusing on it.
So that's whats been going on in a brief overview.
I hope everyone is well.
I'm going to try and post more on here and getting out more with my camera again. It's been forever since I was out taking photos.
I'm also taking each day as it comes but I just wanted to let everyone know I'm starting to feel better and it's only going to keep getting better from here.
Much love, Ethan x