The Good Spell Had To End Somewhere
I have always described Depression as a rollercoaster. Part of me always waiting I suppose for things to change for the good or bad.
I guess the saying, "hope for the best, expect the worst" is all too relevant.
For the best part of the last two weeks, I had felt on top of the world. The depression had seemed to vanish and life seemed good.
I was looking forward to the future and trying to get on with my life.
After ten weeks out of work, being unable to work, I finally felt in a place to get myself a job again.
I had a trial shift for a bar job this week, which went really well. Getting back to work is needed. More than anything to be able to pay all of my outgoings which I can't possibly cover whilst on Employment Support Allowance. But also to earn money to go towards all the things I want to do.
I was quite anxious leading up to the trial shift. With the depression absent, the anxiety was taking the limelight once again. Luckily I had quite a busy day prior to going, including a therapy session which took a lot of the time to worry away. I'd be lying if part of me didn't want to go and my mind was telling me I wasn't ready. However, as soon as I walked through the doors the anxiety was gone and the shift went really well.
I had also started to cut down on the amount of food I was eating and being more calorie controlled to try and get leaner for summer. Also in the gym pretty much daily and feeling really good in myself.
Then towards the end of the week. I think it was when I woke up Saturday morning. I knew I wasn't feeling great straight away as soon as my head left the pillow. Saturday was a bit of write off. Nothing I did seemed to help and I even resulted in getting a takeaway late on trying to find a bit of enjoyment.
Sunday was much the same but thankfully after dragging myself of bed and to the gym. My mood took a turn for the better and the rest of the day ended in similar fashion.
I'm going to take that momentum forward and hope this blip doesn't affect next week.
It is quite difficult coming to terms with the fact that this may happen every so often but it strives me to keep pushing on and find better ways to cope or even overcome this.