The Anxiety Is Back
I try to live my life 100mph most of the time and even when I'm not my mind still is. My week went much like a roller coaster yet again. Up and down with a few twists in there.
Most of the time it is hard to put my finger on the reasoning behind why I become depressed. Although sometimes there seems to be an explanation behind it.
The last couple of weeks I have been having all the physical symptoms of being anxious. I didn't want to believe it because my anxiety has been more or less under control for so long. I was trying to put it down to possibly being ill or any number or other reasons. However, I had to accept the fact that it was well and truly back.
Money has become a very relevant issue in my life again. I've done well to last this long, not working and paying all of my bills and maintaining a fairly decent social life. Something that has kept me going through a lot of my low times.
I hate the concept of money and everything it stands for and how near enough everything costs something these days. At the end of the day, the world revolves around money and whether we like it or not we have to work and earn money.
I'm lost right now, I guess the rough patch I am going through has lead me to do a lot of soul searching.
I got caught up in life and was doing a lot of stuff which I didn't enjoy. I didn't like my job that particularly much and it wasn't until now I realised I need to be doing something which I get a sense of fulfilment and achievement from.
It made me realise I need to live a better lifestyle and I have already affected change in my life in that sense.
I found a creative side to me which I suppressed for years and football, the thing I loved for most of my life, I barely play anymore because I no longer enjoy it.
My focus right now is to find a career path which is going to be best suited for me and give me that sense of achievement day in day out. I spend my free time doing the things I enjoy. But there is always a sense that I need to monetize the things I enjoy. And, I guess I am trying to decide what I enjoy the most and pursue further.
I spent yesterday getting a lot of stuff in order and taking care of a few things. I also should be starting back at work this week. So the major worries I 've been having and have been affecting me are subsiding for now which have reduced my levels of anxiety noticeably.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing. I look back now and think why didn't I deal with these things sooner. All that said, though, when the depression hits and the anxiety is high it seems unbearable and part of you hopes it will all sort itself out.
I'm in a good place majority of the time. I try not to focus on the bad anymore and put it into perspective that I probably will alway have these episodes of depression and low periods. I just need to make the most of my life when I am feeling good.
I've woke up today feeling great. The sun is out which always puts a smile on my face. Going to try and keep this good mood going.
Apologies for the lack of posts. I am working on a couple of new posts currently.
My focus has been elsewhere this last week and writing took a bit of a back step.
Also, my domain has been changed from two4preme.com to www.ethvnknt.com. I always had the vision of TWO4PREME being a brand and I want to start rebuilding it again.