Relatively Eventful Week
As you know if you having been following my blog, I had my assessment for a private therapist on Monday.
It had been a long time coming and much needed.
Having tried for therapy through the NHS and Rolls Royce and unable to get a long-term therapist in place there was a massive relief as I walked out the assessment on Monday.
I talked for the full hour trying to paint the best picture I could so they knew exactly what was going on. To be fair even when we finished there was plenty more I could have said but the time wasn't on my side. I've conditioned myself to be able to be as open as possible with what is going on and not much direction was needed from the therapist to understand what I'm going through.
I was slightly stumped at the end. I was asked the question of what I wanted to get out of it? It took me by surprise and I'm not sure why. I hadn't really considered why in all honesty. I guess I was going to therapy to see how they could help me, unsure of what I was going to get out of it and what help it is I need from them.
The therapist finished the meeting with saying they could definitely offer me sessions going forward and I would hear back from them within two days after they matched me up with what they thought would be the best therapist for myself and see when they could fit me in.
I received a text Wednesday morning offering me weekly sessions and that I would be meeting with a therapist called Jack. It was great news to wake up to and brought about a bit of optimism going forward.
The rest of the week
Recovering from last Friday's hangover took some time. Aside from dragging myself to my therapy assessment on Monday, I couldn't bring myself to do much at all. My mood was so low even the thought of going to somewhere like the gym was unbearable.
There is almost no pushing through when I am that low. It is basically a waiting game till I come back out of the low mood if that makes sense.
However, everything turned around on Wednesday. I woke up early and felt more level. I took myself off to Chatsworth for a walk with my camera. Also, stopping off at Carsington water on the way back.
Thursday was even better and was noted by people that I was in a better mood. I then headed to the gym for the first time this week.
I did have to stop myself from going to the completely opposite end of the scale though, as for now, it's best if I stay quite level.
The weekend we had made last minute plans to go up to Castleton and see the Blue John Caverns. The last time I had been was when I was a kid.
Almost went down hill
Friday night I had an awful nights sleep. I just about managed 4 hours, far less that I need or usually have. This had a domino effect into the morning and I almost didn't end up going to Castleton because I'm not good at letting people drive me anywhere at the best of times and I had a complete meltdown.
Not one of my finest moments I must say, sat on the stairs in tears whilst everyone else was waiting for me. Saying that to anyone at the time would have felt like the end of the world but a laughable experience writing this now.
After eventually gathering myself I followed suit in my own car and with some music and conversation, I found myself in a better place. Well, that was until I ended up on a boat in a cave having a panic attack not long after we had arrived.
For some context, I had explicitly said I didn't want to go on the boat and would rather walk through a cave. (The only saving grace was that no one had done it on purpose and no one was any the wiser we were getting on this boat until we were god knows how far underground).
The boat idea hadn't settled well with me in the first place and then to find out the boat goes through a mile long tunnel which is as wide as this small boat and your head about touches the ceiling. To then be left in a cave that there wasn't anywhere to walk around and the boat leave you for 20 minutes was quite literally all my nightmares coming true at once.
Luckily I survived and I'm here to tell the tale.
The week picked up and ended well I didn't let the start of the week get the better of me. There is definitely some positives to take and I now have weekly therapy to look forward to.