My Head Is All Over The Place

Right now I am still currently suffering from a two-day hangover. Spent most of the day waiting to get my phone fixed. The same phone that when black out drunk apparently I decided to hurl at the kitchen floor. Not a good idea.

This week I haven’t wanted to do much at all. My moods have been all over the place. I’ve been in some dark places in which I owe a lot to certain people sticking by me and helping me through these difficult times.

Friday night I decided to get stupidly drunk. I know I shouldn’t drink in excess in how I am feeling currently but that night it didn’t stop me. For the first time in my life, I have pretty much no recollection of anything that happened after about half 11 until I woke up the following morning. From what I've heard I'm quite glad I can't remember.

I have my assessment for a private therapist tomorrow so fingers crossed that goes well. Hopefully going forward I can have at least an hour a week to really get stuff off of my chest and develop better ways to deal with what's going on in my head.

The depressed voice in my head is constantly blowing things out of proportion. These things I'm talking about I have been through countless times up until this point in my life and I would never have reacted the way I have. I've started apologising for my behaviour when this happens because it isn't me. I'm starting to feel like two different people.

One; the person I have been shaping myself into for years. A competent young man who does genuinely love himself and has goals and aspirations. Then this new person. This new person who can't comprehend much of everyday life. Who is out to sabotage everything good that I have going. Can't see the point in anything. I hate this person.

I am at a loss as what to do at the moment. Life still feels in limbo. I suppose the amount I drank the other night hasn't helped so I'm trying not to overthink how I am feeling currently. However, that is easier said than done.

Tomorrow is a new day. We keep going.