Lifting my head off of the pillow this morning I felt as though it wasn't going to be a good day. I didn't even want to think about the week ahead. I'm tired of feeling in limbo. Life passing me by. Trying to enjoy life but so often being unable to.
Private therapy has been something I have talked about for a long time. I've wrote about it. Spoke about it. Researched it. Yet never actually got round to it.
So today I found a company in Derby which is an affordable counselling and psychotherapy service. I plan on ringing them tomorrow as they offer a free assessment and no waiting list. (http://www.greenlanecounselling.co.uk/)
Again this week I want to carry on with all the self help I've been doing. It does seem to be helping a certain amount and hopefully finding a balance with therapy could help even further.
I'm struggling to concentrate right now. Losing my trail of thought. I've got a film on in the background and whenever it gets to an advert, it takes me a good few moments to even remember what I was watching. Sending a text is so difficult. Trying to make conversation when I don't even want to respond. I'm on the edge of tears. I feel as though there is so much emotion built up just behind my eyes. My tear ducts could burst at anytime. They never do but this situation occurs all to often. I wanna curl up in a ball. Take myself away. Make it all stop.
Its so strange half an hour ago I was level. Not great but not bad. Now I'm here and I know at some point it will lift again. I can't keep up with it. No idea why it happens either.
Anyway tomorrow I am going down to London. I have an interview for a season job this Summer and Winter. Travelling is something I want to do so badly, to see our beautiful world and this gives me the opportunity for a specified amount of time to do so.
I plan to stay in London for at least a couple of days. Give myself some time away and time to myself fully. London is one of my favourite places and it has been awhile since I last visited.
Hopefully I can get an appointment to see a therapist towards the end of the week when I am back and get it all set in motion going forward.
The significantly low moods are getting less and less right now. I suppose that is a positive.
Not the best start to the week but surely it can only improve from here.