Getting Back To 'Normal'
'Normality' Something I have strived so much to get back to since everything took a turn for the worse.
And this week has been the closest to that.
This week nothing seemed quite as bad. I had more energy. I didn't take a turn for the worse. There were times where I began to feel low but it was almost a tiny blip. Before I knew it I had bounced back and it didn't take over me.
One thing I did pick up on this week was that transition to an almost hypomanic state. I noticed I was getting way too ahead of myself. I was trying to do everything I possibly could.
It's a great feeling. I basically feel on top of the world and usually, I would roll with it. Which would inevitably leave me crashing into a depressed state at some point in the not too near future.
What I did this week was just take a step back and try and maintain a leveller mood. Not throw myself into everything possible or push myself more than I can right now and getting too far ahead.
Noticeably keeping myself more level seems to have paid off at the moment and I'm going to keep monitoring it going forward.
There are still areas which I notice I'm nowhere near 100% such as my sleep is still quite erratic. Some nights I still struggle to sleep and waking up is still as hard as ever but it has even allowed me to start doing more, not crashing into the depression and hiding away unable to do anything.
It has allowed me to go to the gym more. Going almost daily this week and also going for a run a couple of times and even going swimming for the first time in ages. I have been managing to eat a lot better and getting back to work has been a priority of mine especially towards the end of the week.
The future seems realistic again.
This Wednesday was my first therapy session. The main thing I realised was fifty minutes is a short amount of time. Well for me anyway seems though I can talk a hell of a lot when I want and need to.
The therapist they matched me up with does seem to be a good fit thus far. The first session is mainly him gaining an understanding of what exactly I am going through and us deciding what we are going to focus on going forward.
I didn't at the time when he asked me and still don't know what I need to focus on. There is so much going on it is hard to pinpoint something which could help considerably more than anything else. What we decided is to focus on how things growing up may have affected me and look more into that rather than what's happening right now.
It was weird being in the position I am this week of feeling a lot better than I have been. In the sense, the therapist doesn't see how I am when I am really depressed. I had to try and remember and bring up feelings and thoughts I have had when I am low. Which is difficult because, for the most part, I want to forget all about it when I am doing good.
It will be interesting to see how much it helps going forward.
But all round a great week and hopefully the same again next week.