Why I've Been Quiet About My Mental Health Recently
I don’t want this to be a long boring post of going through every event that’s happened in the time since I last wrote about my mental health so I will try and make it short and sweet and catch everyone up to date.
I recently made a post about hypnotherapy and what was going on which you can read here. So to update about that. My therapist and I decided we had gone as far as we can and worked through everything we needed to and as of Monday the 19th of March I am no longer in therapy for Anxiety. My anxiety has not gone but is no longer at a point where it is holding me hostage in my own life and it is now at a level once again where I can manage like any other emotion to some extent. I believe I will still always be a relatively anxious person but the fact I can push through it again, maybe over time as I push through it, it will get less and less till it’s barely a second thought. I’m optimistic that I’ve worked through what I need to and have all the tools to manage it going forward and on the off chance that it does get worse again I have an amazing therapist who I can go back to at any point and get the treatment I need. I’m also still taking the Sertraline and I plan on staying on it for now.
The reason I have been quiet about my mental health is that throughout my time in therapy it became apparent that as my anxiety improved there was more to my problems than just an anxiety disorder but I had no idea what they these problems were. This wasn’t the first time I had felt this way, I had been in this situation multiple times before, unfortunately between all the professionals I had seen we had never managed to get to the bottom of it.
This time I was determined, my quality of life has not been great for quite some time now and I’m tired of going through all of this and especially knowing there is more too it. I started by doing my own research, maybe I could figure it out myself, after all, it is my mind and nobody knows it better than me, seemed logical right?
I approached my therapist about the things I had found and read about and talked openly about what was going on with me, she agreed there was more to my situation than an anxiety disorder and it would be beneficial to get another assessment of my mental health to get to the bottom of it all.
The first trip back to the GP they barely took any notice of what I was saying and fobbed me off with upping my medication and saying “this should help your moods”. I was desperate and I took them, even though I’ve been on the higher dosage multiple times before and it had actually made my moods worse.
After two weeks I switched back to the lower dosage and decided the GP wasn’t who I needed to be seeing. Another appointment later and I was referred back to see a psychiatrist with the hope of a diagnosis being the outcome and the appropriate help going forward also. With a 4/5 month waiting list, my family and I opted to pay privately to see the same psychiatrist we had previously and to try and get things sorted as soon as possible.
A week later (22nd March) I had my appointment with Dr Sherman. I took my mum along to give another perspective of what was going on and the one person who knows me the best. I presented my thoughts on what I thought was wrong and he wasn’t overly convinced having already spent considerable time with me. We all talked for the best part of an hour and a half and he kept coming back to the conclusion that I had an Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder. From my understanding, this is more commonly known as Borderline Personality Disorder.
At first, I wasn’t convinced but the more I read into this disorder it became pretty obvious where he was coming from and how he came to that diagnosis.
Having a new diagnosis was a relief. After all, this time to have someone agree there was something more to my problems and give me a name for what is going on is such a relief and now I could start moving forward with getting help and the right treatment. We decided to have a try of a Mood Stabiliser and therapy would be the best course of action and so he referred me to a private therapist he recommended.
That pretty much sums up the last few months without rambling on too much. I’m exhausted and drained but I’m not giving up. This is another hurdle life has thrown my way but I will come back stronger after I have taken care of it.
I appreciate everyone who has taken the time to read this and your ongoing support.
Much love, EK.