This weekend I went from the lowest of lows to a complete mentality switch and finally felt ready to start taking the next step in my recovery.
I’ve had some setbacks recently, the first being ill and then an increase in anxiety and having an influx of panic attacks that left me trying to maintain everything I had put in place and no longer moving forward.
I thought of every way to make life easier for the time being and came close to going through with one or two but in the end due to my inability to travel to where I needed to go and a realisation I was actively trying to avoid experiencing panic and anxiety, I realised I needed to work harder in my recovery and start doing more and taking the next steps necessary.
Sometimes we don’t want to face reality and try and run from it but when we do we either don’t like what we see and let it consume us or we make a change and do something about it. For me I let myself be consumed and upset and pissed off and I beat myself up but then I slept on it and looked at it with a clearer mind and knew what I had to do next.
Saturday I took a trip to the next village along called Repton. I didn’t feel as though I could drive there due to how anxious I was feeling at the time and my not so long ago horrendous panic attack I experienced the last I had been to Repton but I drove as close as I could and then took a walk and spent the next hour and forty-five minutes walking around, exploring parts I hadn't been to before and taking photographs before heading back to my car.
When I arrived back at my car I felt calmer but I knew I had to tackle my anxiety further seems though I wasn’t able to drive to the next village along so I got in my car and drove there and back taking the anxiety with me. It was difficult and unpleasant but I did it and I knew it was something I needed to keep doing just like I did with my daily walks.
Check out the images I captured below;