01/12/14

One day I'll feel completely fine and the next I'll feel so low and depressed, I feel as though I have no medium, it's almost as if I'm ever good or bad or maybe that's just what I notice. Most of the time it's unnoticeable to others and it's only when I bring it up that they will realise. I ask to be given space and say to the people closest to me that I'm having a bad day and there're times when people just don't want to be around me, which I can understand but that makes me feel shit because I don't choose to wake up and feel like this.

After being told it would be about another month before I got into some more therapy, I still hadn't heard anything and decided to chase it up and two days later they got back to me. Only to be told that I would have to wait 6-8 weeks until I would be able to get one on one therapy. It's nice to know I'm going to get it but what about now? Yes I have certain things to do but they aren't working, for the last 2 weeks I've felt mentally drained yet again, sleeping more and more but when I sleep 8 hours that's not enough and I'm tired throughout the day and usually asleep as soon as I get back from work.

Without therapy it easy to slip back into old ways of dealing with it because they are familiar and that's where I am now back in old ways and my anxiety controlling me again. No desire to do anything or go anywhere and just spending more time by myself.

So much is going right at the moment as well, I dealt with everything that was causing me stress and anxiety and I have still not picked up, there're a lot of people around me who I can talk to but no one has got the answers to help me. I knew this would happen and it will probably happen again, it's just so difficult sometimes and all I want to do is get on with my life and feel good