02/11/14

This week I have been pleasantly surprised, I managed to attend everyday of the business course, although being late on a couple of occasions, and even managed two days at work and a night out.

Tuesday was a very difficult morning, I was on and off the toilet all morning, even having to stop off on the way there. I sat in the car almost driving off twice. Then only putting enough money in the parking meter for a couple of hours so I had an excuse to leave if I couldn't saty. After walking past the building a couple of times I finally took a deep breath and just went for it, the thing is a soon as I walked in, my brave face went on and nobody could have seen or noticed all the stress and anxiety I'd been through that morning.

Once I was there it took me a couple of hours to relax properly but once I was comfortable with where I was and the other people on the course I was fine and had a great day. The only problem was that Wednesday, Thursday and Friday were near enough the same although knowing that nothing bad was going to happen from Tuesdays experience but the same negative thoughts were present again.

The course was very beneficial though, I was actually very shocked at home much business knowledge I had and the course in general just helped me structure my business idea into a way which I could execute it. I now have the joy of finishing my business plan but hopefully I'll be up and running by Christmas time or early next year.

Recently a lot of people who know others like myself who have suffered with anxiety disorders have been recommending Hypnotherapy. I know not everyone is going to be as open as I am about their anxiety or mental health problems but by simply opening up to people, you'd be surprised at the response you get and how much people want to help and pass on there knowledge of how they got to point at which they're at.

I wrote a couple a weeks ago that I felt I was nearly back to "normal" and that wasn't entirely true. My definition of "normal" is far off what normal actually is. I'm now at a point at which I've been at since I was probably about 11 and that's a point at which I can deal with my anxiety but if I push myself too hard or put myself in particularly anxious or stressful situations I easily lapse, like what happened before I went and received therapy. Unfortunately its been that long since I have been "normal" I don't know what it is that I'm aiming for and that makes me anxious because is an unknown to me.

I've gained so much this week, I proved at lot to myself and I look back and I feel slightly proud but at the same time doing everything I've done and having to deal with my anxiety, it drains me mentally to the point where I finished work at 4 yesterday and then slept for 14 hours straight. I have no problem physically doing the things I do, it's just how they affect me mentally.