24/10/14

From when I first started writing here, I was in a bad place, unable to work, unable to deal with everyday life in general and my anxiety had consumed me and was controlling me more than ever. Although a lot of what my therapy has taught me has brought me out of that period of my life, I can't help but feel I also have just came out of it in a sense. I've been through periods like this before and gotten through them without the help of therapy. With what I know now and if I continue to maintain everything I am doing, hopefully this will be the last time.

There is still a few things I want to delve into which I don't think group therapy has helped with and can help me with. The main one is every time I do anything it's like groundhog day, each time as difficult as the last. When I approach the situation everyone tells me that the more I do these things the easier they will get but although I explain many how many times I do something and it just doesn't get easier, I get told the same thing every time and feel like I get the door slammed in my face.

Unless you've been through or actually going through what I've been writing about it, it might not make sense, it would probably seem crazy to your "normal" person and that's why we avoid talking about it and put on a shield and brave face as if non of this is happening, until we're alone and can try and make sense of it all. Mindfulness meditation is a great tool which I'm using on a daily basis. 

"Mindfulness meditation consists of focusing your full attention on your breath as it flows in and out of your body focusing on each breath in this way allows you to observe your thoughts as they arise in your mind and, little by little, to let go of struggling with them. You come to realise that thoughts come and go of their own accord; that you are not your thoughts. You can watch as they appear in your mind, seemingly from thin air, and watch again as they disappear, like a soap bubble bursting. You come to the profound understanding that thoughts and feelings (including negative ones) are transient. They come and they go, and ultimately, you have a choice about whether to act on them or not."

I've been using this for a couple of months now and it has been the most helpful tool to moving forward and continuing to deal with my anxiety.