17/10/14

Knowing that my anxiety is something I'll have to deal with forever is difficult to come to terms with, having to accept it as part of my personality has been challenging. I think it's a process which a lot people go through and it's probably the first step to dealing with mental health problems. What keeps going through my mind though is that from a young age I've had episodes of bad anxiety and they've passed and then come back.

My anxiety has been subsiding recently and I fear that I will go back to how I once was and my anxiety will return at some point down the line and I will have to go through all of this again. I have all the tools to deal with my anxiety better, it's just I don't like the idea of having to go through this again.

The whole process of trying to change my way of thinking is so draining and it's difficult trying to maintain all the things I'm meant to be doing and it's just easier to slip back into old ways. This episode of anxiety has been the hardest to pull myself back from and I'm still not fully out of it. There's more I could be doing, I'm just finding it difficult to start the necessary things right now, I've almost hit a wall and can't get over it. It's such a long process and trying to maintain positive throughout is proving harder than I anticipated.