10.10.14

There has been times recently when I've been convinced I'm a compulsive lier, coming up with every excuse under the sun and lying to get out of doing stuff. This was before everybody knew about my anxiety and I kept it a secret from everyone. Which in turn pushed people away, friends and family. The reason I kept it secret for so long is because I saw my anxiety as a weakness, something people could exploit and I pride myself on being a strong well put together person who doesn't like to show weakness.

The hardest part for me really was accepting that I do have a mental illness and to stop pushing people away I would have to let people in and open up about what is going on. I was shocked at the responses I got when opening up to people, everyone has shown me so much support and offered their own advise having been through similar stuff to myself, also people in turn then opened up to me and I realised I wasn't the only one suffering with anxiety. I really didn't envision such a good response and to not have any negative feedback made me realise it might not be a weakness after all.

After the other nights small panic episode, it knocked me off my feet for a couple of days, no desire to do anything, sleeping more and being more tired in general. Only towards last night and today have I perked up. Today I made a conscious effort to further improve my lifestyle and went and checked out a gym and intend on signing up tonight and going later on.